Things To Do When You Can't Get Online

Cry hysterically.

Punch things.

Run screaming into the yard.

Make a fire from old sticks and sunlight captured in a drop of rainwater.

Make shadow puppets on the wall.

Make bread from whatever you have lying around.

Eat lunch again.

Call a friend to tell them how much it sucks not to be able to be online, get sympathy, then never ask them how they are and hang up.

Create stringed instruments using your cat’s intestines.

Sing the blues on an old washboard tub.

Strut and fret upon the stage.

Tell time by finally using that old sundial out in the yard.

Do origami.

Start a fight with your spouse about not being able to get online.

Keep trying to get online, even though you know you can’t do shit till the repair guy gets there.

Stare at the screen till your eyes bleed.

Stomp around.

Wax nostalgic about all those times you were online and truly happy, swear to yourself to be grateful for those times.

Think about all the people online right now and how la-dee-dah they are about it.

Fantasize about all the great email you’re getting as you sit there, cleaning your phone.

Comments

[Liam Sebastian]

Things I do when I can't get online?
Trudge angrily down the street to purchase some old-fashioned, magazine pornography.

[indydina]

oh. my. gawd.

that is hilfugginglarious!

you are so bookmarked.